Cat obituary

[nancylebov]

I found Ra dead this morning. I think it was side effects from bethanechol, but there's no way to be sure.

I made a lot of mistakes with him, I think, but he also had a somewhat good life.

Ra came into my life when M, a long term acquaintance of my housemate/landlady ran into hard times, and first boarded her cats here and then was put up herself for a while.

Her other cat, Moon joined the household easily enough, but Ra (a Himalayan, which is a Persian cat with Siamese markings) spent all his time hiding in the basement. After a while, he'd come up the stairs to nag when he wanted more food down there, and he eventually would let me get within a few feet when he was eating. It seemed silly to live with a cat (especially a Persian--they're very fluffy) I couldn't touch, so I tried petting him while he was eating, and he decided it was actually ok.

By the time M left (a year or so later), Ra was enough my cat that M suggested that he stay as payment for boarding her cats. I'm not sure it was a reasonable deal, but he and I liked each other, and at least he wouldn't be living with dogs. (This isn't a general statement about cat/dog households--just that Ra was a timid cat.)

Things went along ok with the humans and Ra and Persephone (another cat aproximately Ra's age) until Gillian (about a year old at the time) was added to the household around 2002. She didn't seem to treat Ra especially badly, but he was very afraid of her and spent all his time under an end table.

I was worried about him (he was a thin cat under all that fluff and seemed to be losing weight), so I put food and water near the end table--which meant he didn't go out for the litter box. So I moved the litter boxes nearby, too. This didn't work especially well, since they were the most convenient boxes for the other cats, too, and after a while, he was only using a litter box occasionally. I cleaned up after him as well as I could.

He did like my company (he'd sit on my foot when I was at the computer) and liked being petted. He had a very pleasant but quiet purr.

There isn't a lot to be said about the good stuff--it was pretty much just hanging out. He wasn't smart enough or stupid enough to really generate anecdotes. I did reassure him that he was a big tough Ra, and my proudest memory of him is him sitting there like an immovable furry triangle and facing Gillian down.

At some point, I noticed he was getting desperate about canned cat food, and I somehow figured out that he wasn't drinking Philadelphia tap water, not even if it was Brita filtered. Fortunately, he was happy with CVS house brand water.

Anyway, in recent month, he'd be crying for a few minutes several times a day, and I was going nuts. After a financially disasterous worldcon, I didn't feel as though I had money to spare for the vet. Some friends gave me $200 to take him there.

I'd thought things were getting better. I'd taken him to the groomer (this is at least as important as vet visits for a long haired cat who wasn't cleaning his rear end any more) and he wasn't pissing all over the place. Things were idyllic for a couple of days, and then the vet says that he has a legendarily enlarged bladder, though the piss can be squeezed out of him.

I put in additional money to find out that there's no obvious reason why he isn't pissing--it might be neurological. He's supposed to get muscle relaxants to make it easier to squeeze out the piss a couple of times a day.

I don't want to go into all the logistical and communication fuck-ups, but he almost certainly shouldn't have gotten another dose of muscle relaxant.

I think he had a fair-to-middling life, a few very good days after the recent grooming, he probably trusted me more than I deserved, and only one bad day at the end.

Comments

[madfilkentist]

Very sorry to hear that. I'm sure Ra had a good life with you, taking all the factors into account. Cats are missed and never forgotten.

[ruth-lawrence.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

[daystreet.livejournal.com]

...after the recent grooming, he probably trusted me more than I deserved...

I hope this isn't a reference to a possible feeling on your part that you were somehow responsible for Ra's difficulties, or that something you did ended up in Ra passing. It sounds to me like you did the best that could be expected with a difficult to care for cat. I have one of those and I know how hard it is to always feel like you are doing the best you can for them. Remember all that made you fond of him in spite of his "imperfections", and -- I hope you know I don't mean this cruelly -- let yourself feel without guilt whatever relief you might feel at being released from the responsibilities caring for him demanded of you.

I have a cat that would have died years ago if I wasn't there to give him his daily required medical care. I'm incredibly fond of him in spite of the various dents he has made in my life, but I would be lying if I said that even though I will be very sad when he goes, I won't be pretty relieved as well. I hate even typing that, but it's true, and it doesn't diminish by one atom my enormous affection for the little guy.

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

There was stuff like me yelling at him sometimes when he pissed here and there. It was rough on him, and it didn't help.

I don't know if this is crazy, but his pissing all over improved a lot after I wouldn't let him on my bed. I don't know if he overgeneralized.

That last day (and after he'd gotten that third med), he yowled when I squeezed the piss out of him. This was the first time that happened, though of course he didn't like it the other times. I dropped him a couple of feet to the floor which is normally ok to do with cats. He landed hard on his side, and didn't move for about five minutes. It didn't occur to me to call the vet until after the office hours were over.

Anyway, after having been caused some noticable pain and then dropped, he went downstairs and hung out next to me and got petted while I sorted bumperstickers. He didn't feel "right"--weak or weedy or something, but I didn't pursue it. Considering that he'd been painfully squeezed and then dropped, I think that's a pretty high level of trust.

I went out--I'd talked with my housemate about not giving him more of that third med, but either I wasn't emphatic enough and/or she tends to trust medical authorities.

I'd asked her to look it up online (I was pretty fried and she feels some responsibility for the cat and would have paid for earlier vet care if she could have afforded it--she'd paid it in the past and was covering food and litter) and went out to mail packages and go to a concert. It turned out that her connection was down--and since that drug alone might have been safe, just checking it might not have been enough.

Anyway, I know I tried. I could have done better, but I also could have done worse. At least I figured out that yelling at him was a bad idea, and mostly stuck to it. Figuring out what kind of water he needed was an important quality of life issue.

[nellorat.livejournal.com]

Yes, there are things you could have done differently, and from which you've learned. You didn't know at the time to do it differently, because that's how you learned. People understand about their loved ones making honest mistakes, and I really do think animals do, too. Or, rather, it doesn't occur to them to get angry when a caretaker is doing the best s/he can--unless they're in real pain, and then they bite even if s/he is doing everything perfectly. I really do think they have a basic intuitive understanding of our feelings about them (maybe partly chemical).

My first rat, Bilbo, died much younger than my rats die now, because I didn't know about rat respiratory vulnerability, didn't know the warning signs, din't know how fast they go downhill. It is a fact that had I done things differently, he probably would have lived happily much longer. I still regret that, but I do understand, even emotionally know, that I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.

[daystreet.livejournal.com]

Cats are usually pretty crappy patients. They don't exactly make treating them particularly easy. At least three times that I know of, I ended up accidentally overdosing my guy on insulin because he decided that he wasn't going to eat that day even though he'd already received his fairly high regular dose of his medicine. If I hadn't been there to give him an emergency dose of sugar, any one of those three overdoses could have killed him.

As you know, cats that are chronically sick aren't broken toys. They are broken living things that require no small amount of effort to keep them on this side of the living/dead divide. Frustration with them is natural. I've yelled at my guy. No, it doesn't help them (though it may help us a bit), and you always regret it, but there's no use beating yourself up over it. They do forgive us our humanness -- they know we can't live up to the higher feline standards.

[nellorat.livejournal.com]

Deep sympathies and condolences! You did very well by him, and he was completely right to trust you.

Also, this makes me wonder if the drug interaction was all that significant. I don't think a cat stops drinking water out of pickiness--maybe, I guess I'm not so much a cat person anymore, but to ignore water and crave the moisture of canned foods just is not natural. I'd almost bet money that it was a physiological problem, and he made more efforts to drink after you got him water and made it special for him. To me, this says partial kidney failure. I'm wrong if the vet's tests included blood tests for kidney function, though. Anyway, once an animal starts failing, it can die at any time, and you haven't failed it.

In all, I would definitely want a necropsy. Too many mysteries that a necropsy might solve (though it's not a guarantee).

And I'm sorry for you--this is a very restrained eulogy, but pets become very dear to their companions. Even the troublesome ones; sometimes especially the troublesome ones. *hugs*

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

He drank normally (as measured by his voice not being scatchy--it would get scratchy if the water needed to be changed) once I switched him to bottled water. I tested him on the cheapest Whole Foods brand, and he wouldn't drink that either. It might be kidney failure, but I suspect it was pickiness--or possibly something wrong with Philadelphia water, which does tend to taste funny.

Also, the water thing was years ago.

I really don't know what more to say about a cat who liked hanging out with me, who was very fuzzy (velvety when shaved), and who I liked petting, and who I was willing to go to a fair amount of trouble for.

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

To finetune things: the water issues started years ago (I'm not sure if it was before the issues about pissing) and continued till the end.

[daystreet.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's anything more you have to say than that. All things considered, he was a lucky cat to have had somebody willing to go to that much trouble for him. I know if my troublesome cat had any real sense of genuine gratitude for all I've done for him, he'd have gotten a paper route long ago and used his money to get me a Netflix subscription. Instead, for repayment I've had to settle for him sitting on me, purring, and the occasional head-butt to indicate I might be an okay guy.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

*hug* offered.

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

My condolences. It sounds to me like you did the best you knew how to do, and he appreciated that in his feline way.

[kip-w.livejournal.com]

I think you did pretty well. Sorry you lost your kitty.

[schulman.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I have been doing the long downhill slide with a chronically ill cat for the past two years, and I know exactly how frustrating it can be.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry--and it does sound like you gave him a good life, if a quiet one.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

...what I mean is, the quiet life he wanted.

[lordlnyc.livejournal.com]

Nancy, you have my deepest sympathies!

*HUGS*

[dr-zrfq.livejournal.com]

**hugs**

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss.

[wouldyoueva.livejournal.com]

Sympathy. My own feline companion, Valentine, has a heart murmur and urinary tract problems but isn't on meds yet, just Purina UR cat food (fortunately, I found an online source for it).

I am so sad for you

[wolfdancer.livejournal.com]

I wish that I had better advice for you, when you called. Hugs.

[cellio]

Aw damn. I'm so sorry.

[fidelioscabinet.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry--I remember the death of one of mine, several years ago, frm bladder cancer--she was old, true, but if I'd maybe noticed sooner something (I'm not sure what) was wrong, could we have caught it in time to give her more than a month or so? It's so hard to judge, and they have so few ways to let us know something's wrong--and if wrong is "My food dish got knocked over" or "I feel really, really sick and I'm not sure I can stand up and walk as far as the litter box."

Do not start feeling guilty in a few days when you realize you're glad you don't have to wrestle with the demands of his health problems--he's glad they're over, too.

[suecochran.livejournal.com]

(hugs)

I am very sorry that Ra has died, and I know it's always hard when you feel like there was something you might have done differently that may have helped him live somewhat longer. I've gone through that with several kitties, and it's always so guilt-inducing. It's hard to know of course - there may not have been any more goodness to be gotten out of his life, and the med interaction, if that's what it was that took him out, may have prevented more suffering and the difficulty and added expense of having to make that final decision to euthanize him.

I really think that you did a wonderful job with Ra over the course of time he lived with you. He was a difficult cat to deal with, and you did the best you could for the most part, and should let yourself off the hook for not being perfect.

I agree with the wisdom expressed here by several people about trying to allow yourself to feel the relief over not having to deal with the difficulties caring for Ra entailed, and not feeling guilty for being relieved. It's only natural and I'm sure Ra would understand.

I hope that you retain fond memories of Ra and that the pain of his sudden loss will fade quickly.

[mneme]

I'm very sorry to hear that. *hug*

[sturgeonslawyer.livejournal.com]

The most wrenching moment in my life was the death (by putting-to-sleep) of a loved cat, the only time in my life that I actually sobbed uncontrollably. My deepest sympathies.

[esmereldachubb.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that... it's never easy to loose a pet, no matter what the circumstances.

I hope that Ra has a safe journey to whatever kitty afterlife he's heading for.

[shagbark.livejournal.com]

We know you did the best you could.

[fixx.livejournal.com]

To post condolences at this time would be merely symbolic for others reading, since I talked to you on the phone the day it happened. I am sorry I was not more sympathetic at the time, but I rarely warm up to shock well when it is delivered by telephone.

I was just thinking though about this water issue. At some point in the past 3-4 years, since I moved back to Potomac, I recall reading that our local water commission was going to start adding something to our water that was intended to prevent "pinhole leaks" in plumbing. While that might be good for real estate values, it concerned me immediately that it could be really bad for health.

My tap water tastes just fine when filtered, and often not too bad not filtered, but just because I cannot taste the additive doesn't mean it is not killing me. I only give my cat filtered water the same as I drink except when she's drinking out of the bathtub, where she gets a mix of filtered and unfiltered water, but at least it is clean and plentiful.

My reason for posting this here and now is the thought that you might want to find out if your local water commission is adding such a substance.

This article (http://www.stormlake.org/city/Pages/pressreleases/2006/pinhole%20leaks.htm) explains why such an additive would be employed and describes it only as a "Corrosion Inhibitor".

This other article (http://209.85.165.104/search?q=cache:sFb3oqYhQx4J:www.wssc.dst.md.us/copperpipe/letters/Phosphate_PHacts.pdf+%22pinhole+leaks%22+%2Badditive&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=4&gl=us) appears to explain that the additive is nothing more than the same sort of food grade phosphate one drinks in soda. That does not mean that this is what my water utility is using, but as it happens this particular article does refer to cities near me.