Background anxiety

[nancylebov]

As many of you know, I have a lot of problems with inertia. I've been assuming that I could deal with it if only I could figure out how, and sometimes I've been able to tone it down or it lifts somewhat and get some things done. Still, I haven't been making nearly enough money or taking much care of myself, let alone having much fun or doing especially interesting things.

Recently, I read haikujaguar's piece about the level of felt anxiety and panic attacks she lives with, and I accessed some pain of my own that was bad enough that I'm now convinced that I can't deal with this by myself.

I'm more like ordinary upset now rather than in contact with whatever it was, but it makes sense that my level of incomprensible paralysis isn't just a lack of willpower. It's more as though doing much of anything makes me feel vulnerable to attack. And it's hard to do anything about that because the reward for being less frightened is doing (having to do?) more of the things that frighten me.

Anyway, I may be able to get money for therapy. Does anyone have a therapist in Philadelphia or accessible by mass transit that they recommend?

Here are the follow-ups to haikujaguar's piece: how she's doing now and her methods for coping.

On another front, I haven't been eating sugar, wheat, or much dairy lately. I'm feeling clearer-headed, less depressed (especially around people), don't get as tired, and don't suddenly feel ravenous. I suspect that cutting down the noise from being poisoned by commonly available foods is part of why I'm relatively able to face the emotional stuff.

I haven't really tested the dairy part--I'm pretty sure I shouldn't use cheese as a primary snack, but I'd like to be able to use it as a condiment. I may be able to get away with goat's milk cheeses.

Restricting what I can eat is tiresome, but I'm reasonably happy as long as I can eat enough of foods I enjoy, and I've finally registered that there's enough of a difference to how I feel that I want to pursue it.

Comments

[madfilkentist]

I'm glad to hear that the dietary adjustments are helping. Best wishes and hopes to you.

[wings13.livejournal.com]

I just went and read a lot of the entry and comments on that you linked to above. Personally, I am having a bit of trouble with anxiety, though this is clearly an external thing, not organic... or perhaps it's just enough to kick up the low-level organic to the point where it becomes a problem. I'm currently on Cymbalta and I think it works just fine. I don't feel like a zombie and don't feel non-creative, I can just go about my business as normal and don't let anxiety-type thoughts get to me, I just push them away and they go. The only thing is that it can make me sleepy. But that seems to be lessening lately. My son has taken 'stuff' since he was about 14 I think, and was previously on Paxil. Yeah, I think what some of the commentors in the other journal said about Paxil is true. He got stuck just sitting in his room and wasn't doing anything at all for way too long. We finally got him re-evaluated and Cymbalta was suggested for him. Now he's working and going out, and will return to school in the spring semester. So I'm a fan of Cymbalta! My regular doctor prescribed it for me when I told him my son took it. It seems that these disorders are somewhat genetic, so that if a drug works for one family member it will often work for another. Cymbalta works on serotonin -and- adrenaline, so maybe it'll give you a boost? I don't know, you can look it up online I'm sure. Anyhow, for both of us, our problem seems to be a dysthymia thing (mine being very low-grade, to the point where mostly I don't need to medicate) and then also with me a situational thing. Cymbalta works (and only takes a week to show effects...) so you might want to check it out.

[dsgood.livejournal.com]

My anxiety has been diminished as a side-effect of a trank I'm taking for ADD/ADHD.

One thing I've been doing is unlearning some of what I learned from my parents.

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

Would you be willing to write some more about what you're unlearning?

[daystreet.livejournal.com]

Sorry I can't recommend a therapist since I don't live in your city, but I want to wish you good luck with that. Dunno if you've ever done it before, but if not I just want to encourage you to stick with it even through those times when it seems to be doing you no good and just feels like a pain in the neck. I found when it got to feeling that way, it usually meant I was on the verge of facing some things about myself I was afraid to face. That is, the "stalled" feeling was actually me digging my heels in to try to keep myself from "going there". Then, of course, when I actually did "go there", it was a tremendous relief.

But as you'll know if you've done this before, every therapy relationship is different. My experience probably has little to do with what yours might be so I'll just say, again, good luck.

[velvet-wood.livejournal.com]

I can't really offer much help. Closest I've been to that state was after a medication induced episode of extreme depression, and, to be horribly middle-american about it, some pills really did fix me right up. Later, post hospital horror PSTD symptoms were harder to deal with (primarily due to difficulty in identifying them), but were, again, seriously assisted in desisting by a couple months of paxil during the triggery season. So really, I had things pretty easy, and never had the scary experience of having to trust a therapist. The only thing I would recommend is checking for one on the KAP list (http://www.ncsfreedom.org/kap/) whether or not you're kinky or pagan or anything else, simply because those doctors are used to people with all sorts of alternative lifestyles, open-minded viewpoints, and non-mainstream opinions. I can't help but feel that's useful for just about anyone who's not a Genericus Americanus.

One other thing, actually... food choices can definitely contribute (for instance, potatos make me feel like utter crap anytime I eat them -- exhausted and apathetic) but take care that that doesn't backfire on you. For example, cutting too much dairy can leave you with a calcium deficiency that can contribute to fatigue, depression, and even physical pain. Plenty of calcium (esp. in the form of dairy, because calcium supplements aren't so easy for us to process, it seems) can cause a metabolic boost that encourages exercise and therefore results in overall feeling better. Of course, it need to be accompanied by plenty of Vit. D for you to process it properly, and lots of us don't get that, especially this time of year, but making time to spend half an hour a day in natural sunlight (even if it is kinda weak and sickly right now) can help significantly. I've seen studies that said that up to 80% of Americans are deficient in Vit. D, which causes fatigue, depression, sleep abnormalities, generalized muscle and joint pain, and lots of other nasty things. So, a bit of sunlight, or sitting under a reptile light which produces UVB (petstore has em, www.reptiledirect.com has em cheaper), or at the very least a Vit. D3 supplement can make a big difference in mood.

Oh, and B12... all the B's, really, but B12 in specific increases energy, initiative, and mood. You can't overdose on the oral form, so take lots. I get shots every once in a while, and then I feel _really awesome_ for a couple of days. Good stuff. Wakes you right up.

And... that's about it, sorry. Wish I could be more help.

[velvet-wood.livejournal.com]

And now having read the links, I can add that I didn't have her experience with Paxil. The only nasty side effect it had was sexual in nature, and something I was already used to dealing with due to other medications I take. However, I did have it with some of the other medications they tried first (elavil, zoloft I think, or something else with a z.. it's been a long time)... zombie state -- totally unmotivated to do anything, no emotion, no energy, no nothing. So personally, I think it's a personal body chemistry thing, and it's a matter of trying things until you find something that helps _without_ having side-effects you can't live with. And, of course, starting with the mildest possible things first, because some of those side effects can be pretty unpleasant (elavil was _awful_, ugh).

[axejudge.livejournal.com]

And, of course, starting with the mildest possible things first, because some of those side effects can be pretty unpleasant

No kidding. When my therapist gave me a trial script of Paxil, I had the horrible combination of wanting to sleep all the time, coupled with an inability to do so, because I couldn't hold still - I would literally lay in bed and vibrate. NOT the drug for me.

[harmonyheifer.livejournal.com]

I would like to add another vote for those B vitamins. I take methotrexate for psoriatic arthritis. The methotrexate knocks out folic acid. When I was first started on the methotrexate I was not only experiencing depression, but some really scary negative sensations I can only describe as worst case scenario daydreams. Folic acid replacement on the days I don't take the methotrexate has eliminated the scary daydreams and reduced the depression. Odd thing is, taking large doses of folic acid seem to pop my hubby out of the episodes of gloom that he gets when he is fighting a virus or infection. We are talking an almost instant improvement in mood. B vitamins are cheap so it is worth giving it a shot.

Feng Shui and vitamins

[fabricdragon.livejournal.com]

by all means get a therapist if you can. I suggest trying Jim Brann at AMBIA, but even if he isnt suitable he may be able to refer you.....

now then, other advice...

1. clean. *make yourself clean up the house* and throw something out every day. anything. take boxes of old books and ebay them or good will them. Feng Shui has clutter= depression, and i know clean up can be overwhelming. so force yourself to do it a little at a time. invite people over to help. but DO it. and throw things out. i know its hard, but really. if you havent used it, dont plan on using it, or it makes you dperessed to read /look at it then throw it out. ...and go over everything in the kitchen and medicine cabinets looking for outdated and dont eat it stuff and throw it all out

2. B vitamins. lots of them. Heather is a Quixtar rep, and so am i, so its not like you dont have the XS Energy drinks to have around. but even pills are better than nothing.

3. sun. failing that get grow lights, repitile lights, or ott lights arond you. and if you cant do that go get an appt at a tanning salon. the skin cancer risk is less immediate than the depression.

4. calcium supplements, especially if you dont do dairy.

5.Make yourself excersize. bike, walk, whatever.

i wish i could be more help, but since heather is at the house i really cant help you clean or anything. i *can* give you a lift to a therapist or a store sometimes if you need it.

[(Anonymous)]

Looks like Mazzoni Center does some mental health stuff, if that's any help.

[regalpewter.livejournal.com]

Check out Jefferson hospital's or HUP's Outpatient Clincs. They do a lot of stuff on an ability to pay basis, Plus be picky when using a therapist, you need to find someone who will help you help yourself. As far as meds go; there are so many SSRI's and antidepressants out there you need to work with a clinician to find what is best tolerated by your body. This may mean using one drug for up to 3 weeks then switching. Ask the Dr. to prescribe smaller quantities or provide samples while exploring this.
YIS,
WRI