Excellent discussion about teasing

[nancylebov]

http://rm.livejournal.com/1978191.html?nc=66

What it can be like to be teased by a random stranger, possible responses, teasing and non-teasing subcultures......

Related: Cat, Dogs, and Jerks, a description of human social interaction.

One more thought on the whole thing-- it occurs to me that people of good will from teasing sub-cultures don't get reliable feedback on when teasing isn't working out well because a lot people who don't like being teased have been told "If you react, you'll just be teased more", or actually been treated that way by teasers who weren't of good will.

If you tease someone, and they seem to freeze or to be working really hard to come up with a response, this is probably a good time to pull back.

Comments

[heron61.livejournal.com]

I didn't look at the original article that you linked to in your Cat, Dogs, and Jerks post or consider this in depth when you first posted it, but after seeing your post referencing rm's most about teasing, I took a closer look. The post you linked to seems mostly focused on NT vs. autism spectrum people, and in this I think it's completely off base. Yes, most of the people I know on the autism spectrum don't work well with teasing, but I know one who does, and I and several other people I know very well are manifestly not on the autism spectrum and we react very poorly to teasing.

The discussion in rm's post seems far more on target. What seems to me to be far more important in determining reactions to teasing is social status growing up. Some people were bullied, some were bullies, and most were largely uninvolved - from what I've seen, these three groups are respectively cats, jerks, and dogs. If someone is the wrong race, religion, sub-culture, social class, sexual preference, or simply possessed of inappropriate interests, they are likely to experience at least some bullying as a child or teen. Some of these people become jerks and as soon as they are in a position to bully or viciously tease others, they do so, but most are at least somewhat touchy about teasing. Meanwhile, most people lack such experiences and regard teasing as fun.

[madfilkentist]

I don't get what the woman was trying to do, either, but perhaps being there would have made it clear to some people. Maybe she was trying to start a conversation? It's possible that she was the one who's really socially inept, trying to talk to rm in an awkward way. When rm responded apologetically and withdrew, she saw her effort had failed and maybe felt more embarrassed than rm did. (I haven't read the comments on rm's post.)

[whswhs.livejournal.com]

I've been telling people for many years that I have no sense of humor, for somewhat related reasons.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

I agree. People who hate teasing learn to go inward and endure it.

[dr-zrfq.livejournal.com]

Had that clueless lady been telling ME there was a charge (zap!) for using the outlet, and had I figured out that she was kidding, I'd have responded by going even MORE over the top. "Oh, is it a flat fee, or by the electron? And do you accept millikopecks?"

But I think she was out of line. Maybe it's just where I grew up -- but in the New York City area teasing was something you did to your own people. Being teased meant you belonged. Which makes it really awkward if the tease-ee DOESN'T feel like they belong. (BT, DT.) To do something like that to a complete stranger either meant you were TOTALLY lacking in clues, or you were deliberately picking a fight.