You have such an interesting name.....

[nancylebov]

http://daisysdeadair.blogspot.com/2008/04/on-having-black-name.html

The link goes to an account of what it's like to have a stereotypically black name and work at a call center.

She gets a lot of bigoted core dumps. If I could figure out how to leave a comment, I'd ask her what proportion of her callers behave like that. Even a few indicates a serious problem, but I'd like to know how widespread it is and whether it tends to be her older callers.

Anyway, aside from that post (and do read the comments--there's a lot of interesting stuff there, including the guy who's assumed to know more about computers if he uses a Japanese name), I'm curious-- how does your name affect your life?

I don't think mine has a huge effect. People generally have trouble remembering, pronouncing, or spelling my last name. I feel that this is a clue: if people miss something so simple and objective, how much more of what's going on are we failing to notice.

Mid-westerners seem to be more likely to get my name right. I have two theories and no idea whether either of them is right, or if it's something else-- or even that there's really no pattern there at all. Anyway, it's possible that, since mid-westerners generally know fewer Jews, they don't know the more common name which is similar to mine, so that slot in their minds isn't already filled in. Alternatively, they seem more polite, so it's possible they take more trouble with names.

As for my first name, it's ordinary enough to not have much effect that I can see. It's (probably because it's stereotypically female) occasionally used to indicate "person who's there to be raped" as in "a cellmate who'll call you Nancy". I'm not fond of that usage.

I don't seem to get the bigoted core dumps that are common features in a lot of people's lives. (I do have one friend who I argue with a lot on the subject, but this isn't at the level of pervasiveness I see reported.) How much open bigotry crosses your path?

For this discussion, I'd appreciate it if everyone assumes that people are telling the truth about their own experience.

Link thanks to boxofdelights.

Comments

[nellorat.livejournal.com]

Re "cellmate who'll call you Nancy": also, Nancy-boy is an old term for effeminate gay, perhaps also because it's a stereotypicaly female name.

[(Anonymous)]

My last name is Bornstein, and I've never been aware of any problems because of it, except for spelling trouble like you.

I've never been sure if it counts as a "jewish" name. I don't think* I've ever experienced any open bigoted hostility over my ethnicity. Separately, I don't think I'd count as "looking jewish".

Again like you, my first name is very common.

* But I should note I'm not very good at reading people. But no one has ever called me a [#epithet] to my face. And only one report of it happening not to my face.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

I've never been sure if it counts as a "jewish" name.

I would say so. Anything ending in "berg" or "stein" has good odds of being a Jewish name, and so that tends to be the assumption.

My last name is actually *Scottish*, but since it doesn't have a "Mc" or "Mac" in front of it, people generally look at it and assume I'm Indian.

[mamadeb.livejournal.com]

I have perhaps the most popular girl's name of my generation, although I use a variation of the most common spellings for both the formal name and the nickname (Debra instead of Deborah, Debbie instead of Debby.) Because it was so popular, it has no ethnic connotations at all - just age.

My married name was Anglicized by my father-in-law, and therefore no longer sounds Jewish; my maiden name sounded more Greek than Jewish.

Whatever antisemitism I have experienced, it has had nothing to do with my name.

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

Some people who don't have a Jewish name or appearance say that they therefore hear a lot of anti-Semitism. It sounds like you haven't.

[mamadeb.livejournal.com]

I have heard some - I taught in a Catholic school for a year, and my eighth graders - well, one had more problems than any one could handle. And there was the one girl who was surprised that a Jewish girl could be pretty.

But I've spent my life in neighborhoods and schools with high Jewish populations at a time and place where being racist in anyway was frowned upon.

It's only recently with events online that I've seen more evidence of it.

[madfilkentist]

It was astonishing reading in her post about how much idiocy she's encountered over her name. I suppose it shouldn't be, but I keep underestimating human idiocy. (But I liked the "A Boy Named Sue"-like ending.)

My own last name is unusual, and people keep changing it to a more common similar name. This has probably played a role in my being someone who stubbornly defends his individuality.

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

If you're a civilized person hanging out with civilized people, you aren't necessarily going to find out directly what the worst-behaved 10% is like. Or the worst-behaved 1%.

[gildedacorn.livejournal.com]

Truer words were never spoken.

But if you're a civilized person on the Internet, you will find out what people will say to you, and in your presence, when they don't know you and/or can't see you. It can be pretty discouraging sometimes.

(So should I get a new avatar?) : )

[papersky.livejournal.com]

I used to get anti-Irish prejudice (in Britain) when I had an Irish name. I'd get things like polite shop people suddenly discovering that no, they couldn't keep something, or order something, when I gave my name. It's part of why I changed it when I married Ken, and part of why I didn't change it again when I married rysmiel.

My grandmother was called Nancy, so I've always felt very positive about it.

[mindyklasky.livejournal.com]

I've never encountered (to my face) anti-semitism about my name, my affiliations, or my actions.

I have the somewhat ill fortune of being married to a man named Mark, and whenever we meet people age 40 or older, there's a 50/50 chance that they'll say "Mork and Mindy" and go into old Robin Williams jokes, as if they are the first people ever to think of the connection. (It didn't help that our wedding celebrant, who had never heard of the TV show, slipped up and called him Mork during the ceremony, probably because we'd warned her to refer to us as Mindy and Mark to avoid laughter :-) )

My married surname is English, and I *thought* that it would be perfectly pronounceable (as opposed to the "McClosky" I used to get on a regular basis.) Wrong - a lot of people try to turn it into a Spanish-language pronunciation...

[sterlingspider.livejournal.com]

My first name is Lorena, and it's actually pretty ethnically ambiguous. It's somewhat more common in Latin countries, but it's also the name of a civil war song (I was named after my Pennsylvania Deutsch grandmother) so while I get mispronunciations as much as I get comments that it's pretty I don't tend to get any flak either way because of it.

My last name is QUITE Anglo-Saxon (there's a royal dynasty of the same name) but interestingly enough was changed from Scardaccione by my grandfather to avoid anti-Italian sentiment.

To add to the confusion I am small, dark, and really ethnically ambiguous. My mother is Puerto Rican, and my father is half Italian, half Penn Deutsch. Most Latino people peg me as at least part Latinate, but no one else has even a remote idea. I've gotten everything from Indian to Pacific Islander, and have had more then my share of getting addressed in languages I don't even recognize, much less converse in.

I'm from a primarily Jewish/Italian neighborhood on Long Island so I sound and present myself as sort of generically southern New York-ish and people really have no idea how to address me ethnically either on the phone or in person. I've actually considered changing my name back to the family name, as being Italian in NY now is pretty much par for the course, and it'd be really nice to have a less charged identification for people to latch on to. I'm also in a quandary as to whether I would change it if I eventually marry my boyfriend as his name is unequivocally Spanish and I definitely enjoy my ambiguity. We're quite the confusing couple; he's half Hispanic mix, half Eastern European Jew and looks ambiguously maybe something Middle Eastern with a biblical first name which is pretty common in Jewish circles and an Iberian Spanish last name.

I've definitely gotten my fair share of "between you and me" comments about Hispanic people over the phone, and one particularly memorable rant while I was doing my Graduate internship at a Drug and Alcohol treatment clinic about the Medicare conspiracy keeping good white people like her out of treatment while all the Sp--s and N-----s fill up the centers (I still love my supervisor for picking up and telling her that he was sorry he couldn't do more for her but he was too busy helping Sp--s and N-----s).

[sterlingspider.livejournal.com]

Also, I've had more then one comment (even from people in my own family) saying that "I'm not like the typical Puerto Rican girl" and I always have to wonder whether people think they're complimenting or insulting me.

I find I have a much easier time of things when I'm kind of Gothed out. People look at the blue hair and piercings and clothes and while they may not have a positive view of it, they treat me in accordance with the image I've picked for myself as opposed to the image society imposes on me.

[ndrosen.livejournal.com]

I haven't encountered much anti-Semitism based on my last name, although I have tended to get on Hillel mailing lists and such. Would a real Jew, with two Jewish parents, be likely to have the Greek-based name of a Christian saint?

-- Nicholas Rosen

[bugsybanana.livejournal.com]

Last name poses some difficulties with spelling (I always let people looking me up somewhere know that it starts with Q, so they can have an easier time) and pronunciation (I usually anglicize the pronunciation except for people I can infer know Spanish and for whom it'd be easier to deal with, e.g. the occasional Fedex guy).

First name surprisingly hard for some people, generally wanting to start with K instead of CH or end with A instead of E. One or the other, though, not both.

I haven't gotten much unwelcome hostile attention, but some well-meant solicitations in Spanish for TV and reading materials, etc. Most people I interact with at work get to know me by first name and converse or correspond with me first, and the first name is common enough to not have any ethnic connotations.

My mother purposely chose English first names for her children for just that reason; my brother is a Junior, so his situation is different anyhow, but as it turns out, my father's first name is almost invariably a girl's name -- no idea what my grandparents were thinking there -- so he uses his middle name in the usual course of life.

[terriwells.livejournal.com]

The only prejudice I've ever encountered as far as name-related stuff in my adult life is from people asking to spell it. I'd always thought "Terry" with a y was specifically male, so it should be obvious that I'm "Terri" with an i. But I guess that's more fluid than I thought.

I changed to this name when I was 20, and made it officially "mine" after the divorce. I really didn't like the name I was born with; far too easy for the kids in school to corrupt ("Aileen" to "Alien") or rhyme ("Kase," like a briefcase) to ill effect.

[starmalachite.livejournal.com]

My own first name is stereotypically either black, which would royally tick off my somewhat racist father if he realized it, or lower-class white.

Plus, there are so many "creative" spellings of it that even when I spell it out for people, it rarely ends up correct. At the very least, a gratuitous 'h' is usually inserted.

I've had people act surprised in professional contexts that it was my actual name. It's probably gotten my resume tossed unread a fair number of times.

[krings-keep.livejournal.com]

I grew up in a neighborhood with predominantly WASP names, so mine was very unusual.

For a while in college people were spelling it with a C,, until they met me - realized I was actually white not black - and 'corrected' themselves.

I finally got to the point where there are enough 'wierd' names that mine isn't THAT wierd..
THEN that damn hurricane just HAD to hit Louisiana.

Unfortunately my job has me calling all over the US, and some of our Vendors are in that area, and giving my name always makes me roll my eyes - I'm just expecting the statement 'like the hurricane?'

At least it isn't as bad as one of my cousins. Cousin Frank married a nice lady named Annette.. and they got the entire set of jokes on THAT pairing.