Cool timpani with small fan

[nancylebov]

Link thanks to dkellis.

John Stump's perverted sheet music for sale at Faeries Aire, link thanks to madfilkentist.

I appreciate any discussion of the fine points. I read music, but I bet I'm missing some of the jokes. I did get the bit about playing huge cluster chords very softly.

Comments

[inquisitiveravn.livejournal.com]

I think you might want to put this behind a cut. At least on my f-list, it runneth over the right margin.

[louiseroho.livejournal.com]

"Release the penguins"

Bwahahahahahaha!

[redneckgaijin.livejournal.com]

The following things are impossible:

* rotating embrochures (at least it's impossible on strings and single-reed woodwinds- embrochure is how your mouth and a wind instrument interface)
* 66/66 time (no such thing as a 66th note)
* treble clef and bass clef in different time markings
* flats and sharps mixed in key signature (that is, not as accidentals)
* glissandos (smears- squiggly lines) between entirely different sections of the music, never mind different clefs
* for that matter, true glissandos are only possible for trombones and strings anyway

The restof it is either obviously nonsense, possible but impractical (like the measure with more bird's eyes (fermata) than a frozen foods shelf), and/or irrelevant.

(And another LJ friend has "release the penguins" for an icon. }:-{D )

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure the mixed sharps and flats in the key signature cancel each other out.

[redneckgaijin.livejournal.com]

Nope. First, key notations don't work that way; second, the flats and sharps are on different notes.

[madfilkentist]

The person who created it has the sheet "music" for sale; unfortunately, it's circulated all over the Internet with no mention of this or the creator's original site.

Some of the subtler musical jokes (for small values of "subtle"):

"Rotate embouchures": This means to rotate the mouthpiece of a wind instrument in your mouth. Pointless with some instruments, impossible with others.

3/6 is a meaningless time signature.

"mmp" is "mezzo mezzo piano" -- a really medium level of loudness. Elsewhere is "mmmmm", which must be extraordinarily medium.

There's a metronome mark of 788 quarter notes per minute, which of course is unplayably fast even with otherwise playable music.

The key signature on the second line is B-flat, E-flat, and A-sharp. For the key of E-flat, it would be B-flat, E-flat, and A-flat. You can't mix sharps and flats in a key signature.

"Add bicycle": There's a P. D. Q. Bach piece which uses a bicycle as a musical instrument.

"spam" is in the typeface usually used for a loudness instruction.

[sturgeonslawyer.livejournal.com]

There's a P. D. Q. Bach piece which uses a bicycle as a musical instrument.

True, but Frank Zappa did it first.

[kugelblitz.livejournal.com]

Glock, mallet but the caliber of the Glock may be critical to the piece. Probably the 9mm but in a something with so much variation, the .45 would probably hold up better for the gently annotations.

[inquisitiveravn.livejournal.com]

And here, I would have a assumed that the glock reference meant something like this. If that is indeed intended as a pun, referencing a "hammer" rather than a "mallet," might've been clearer.

[kgbooklog.livejournal.com]

Glock, mallet

I believe that's a period, not a comma, and therefore likely to mean "glockenspiel mallet". However, Spike Jones is known to have used revolvers in his musical arrangements, and IIRC of at least two different calibers.

I do like the instruction to play "slovenly".

[kugelblitz.livejournal.com]

Well with so many annotations being that much further afield, the mind could find itself wandering a bit. Or even wondering.