I usually don't mock the clueless....

[nancylebov]

but this is really funny.

Publisher queries which are certain to be rejected:

Dear Mr. K. Eliote,
I am seeking your mad book pimpin' skillz on my VERY urban post-pacolyptic time travel military dark fantasy entitled Dr. Dre's Magical Carpet Ride. It is a 450,000 word lenfth fictional novel. I think it would do good.
I am previously published with PublishAmerica and have erotica epublishing credits with the now bankrupt (I di'n't do it) Triskellion under the my girl author name Juicy Lucy. But I ain't no punk #$^@ see, I was just trying to make my electrickity payment.

I am working on a modeling career. I've included pictures of my tight abs.

Peace out E-Dawg,

J-Dizzle.

Link thanks to sartorias.