Random question

[nancylebov]

Why is it so tempting for people to beat themselves up for being depressed?

Comments

[mama-hogswatch.livejournal.com]

I think that a state of feeling inadequate often accompanies depression so feeling guilty and at fault is pretty easy.

In fact, I've seen many questions relating to guilt on depression questionnaires.

[avram]

Isn't that part of being depressed?

That's like asking "Why is it so tempting for people with migraines wince and grab their heads?"

[siderea]

This.

Also, more specifically, it seems that the parts of our brains which make up causality narratives can and do run backwards. It's like something goes, "Because I feel guilty, something I did must have been bad. What have I done lately? Nothing, I've been depressed. Oh, then it must be being depressed I feel guilty over. Writing story about how I feel guilty for being depressed; downloading..."

[sturgeonslawyer.livejournal.com]

My response got longish so I posted it on my own journal.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Because they're DEPRESSED. That's what depression does.

That's like asking, "why is it so tempting for people whose feet have been ripped off by a combine harvester to bleed to death?"

[avram]

That's much more colorful than my example.

[firecat]

I'll add to the general trend of replies by saying "Why is it so tempting for people with colds to have runny noses?"

[caprine.livejournal.com]

Many have been conditioned to see depression as a moral failing rather than an illness. Especially those who believe "God never gives you more than you can handle" (which is an odd thing to tell someone who has lost loved ones to suicide, yet there are people who will continue to say it, as if it were supposed to be comforting).

[noveldevice.livejournal.com]

The fact that the universe is random is often a great comfort to me.

[redbird]

And to me.

I am much happier knowing that, than trying to believe that some benevolent entity keeps killing people in painful ways. Or that, to quote Twain, God is a malignant thug: if the universe is random, we have a better chance of making things better than if it's run by someone or something that is trying to cause suffering.

[kiya]

And then I thought, what if the Universe really *was* fair? And all of the awful things that happened to us were because we deserved them? So now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the Universe. --Marcus Cole, Babylon-5

[noveldevice.livejournal.com]

Heh, yes, exactly.

Use every man after his desert and who should 'scape whipping?

[lizw.livejournal.com]

I love both of those quotes.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Maybe years of childhood conditioning?

"Stop scowling. Your face will freeze that way."

"No man marries a lady who doesn't smile."

"Smile and the world smiles with you!"

"Stop moping and get out in the sunshine. Nobody wants a sorry-sue around."

and my old favorite that still haunts my dreams:

"Smile, or I'll give you something to pout about."

[jim-p.livejournal.com]

Not to mention

"Hey, snap out of it"

"Just pull yourself together"

"Get with the program"

etc.

[redneckgaijin.livejournal.com]

Feedback effect, combined with the urge, when feeling depressed, to try to find some cause for it.

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

There's a strong societal effect which tells you that being depressed is Your Fault. If you would just Get Over It Already. (Of course, if you *could* just get over it, you by definition wouldn't be depressed.)

A better question would be, why does society insist that depression is the fault of the depressed? There are many articles written on this front.

(I agree with the migraine/head, and thresher/feet, analogies--but there is a certain amount of instigation by societal influence, too.)

[noveldevice.livejournal.com]

Well, and honestly, if we take this out of the realm of Depression and into situational depression, the same is true.

"Why don't I feel better yet, it was just my dog." "Why don't I feel better yet, it was just a job." "Why don't I feel better yet, it was just a breakup." People in general are often really uncomfortable with other people's pain, and sometimes that discomfort takes the form of shaming the people who are in pain for daring to disturb their comfortable existence. It's irrational and stupid, and often very cruel, but pretty common.

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

There was an interesting article on that effect in the processing of grief, recently:


"Is Grief a Mental Disorder? No, But it May Become One!"

[noveldevice.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this link. Very much. I found it very helpful to read.

[cathyr19355.livejournal.com]

It's a cultural thing. We are educated to beat ourselves up for any behavior that falls short of perfection. Blame John Calvin. :-(

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

Not just ourselves-- I'm amazed at the belief that punishment is a reliable method of controlling people.

[cathyr19355.livejournal.com]

Well, that's the distinction. Punishment, or at least corporal forms of it, *can* be pretty good at controlling people in the sense of making them afraid to offend the punisher and to at least hide any imperfections/transgressions. What it's lousy at is improving *performance*--i.e., inducing people to make specific changes in behavior.

Part of this, of course, is that people are often punished for behavior they cannot control on the assumption that they are "misbehaving" on purpose and just need a stronger incentive to toe the line.

[noveldevice.livejournal.com]

How ironic. I just received (along with all the other TAs in my department) a strongly-worded reprimand for not attending a "training session" where attendance was not mandatory. We didn't go because the first one, that we all went to, was bullshit.

So now, next year, there are going to be a ton of these "training sessions" and they will be mandatory (although they'll still be bullshit), and our performance will be evaluated. To punish us for not going to something that wasn't mandatory.

[zenlizard]

That questions answers itself.