Did comments to the previous entry

[nancylebov]

Thanks, all for writing to me about emotional abuse and recovery. I've written all the replies I can think of, and I'd be grateful for some hugs and pats on the back. This has been pretty rough.

Comments

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[redbird]

*hug*

[batwrangler.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[redbird]

Looking at your responses, one thing that comes to mind is that good intentions are not enough--actions matter, because what affects people is what we do, not (or not only) whether we meant well.

Knowing that your parents meant well may help you not want to take revenge, but it doesn't eliminate the harm they did.

(This is prompted in part by a discussion in matociquala's journal of Orson Scott Card's fiction and the morality implicit therein, which in turn comes partly from an article by John Kessel.)

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

I found the link to the article (for which thanks), but not the discussion.

So far as Card is concerned, I eventually stopped reading him because the way I was fascinated by his character's being tortured creeped me out. I have some more rational disagreements (how could the high command in _Ender's Game_ possibly have thought that conning Ender into pushing the button would absolve them of anything?), but Card is the only author I've given up because I didn't like the way I was reacting to their writing.

As for the general point, people can't do better than they know, and how much they can be expected to know is a hard problem.

[redbird]

Here's the discussion: it's tucked in after a couple of other small topics in the same entry: http://www.livejournal.com/users/matociquala/508092.html?thread=4848316#t4848316

[jim-p.livejournal.com]

here's an e-hug to tide you over, and I've got a live one at the ready next time I see you :)

[trinker.livejournal.com]

*hug* to be redeemed next time we meet in person, may it be soon!

[lisajulie.livejournal.com]

hugs and support

Dealing with abusive situations that don't fit standard definitions takes much courage and strength. I honor you.

If you are around for Balticon, and I suspect you will be, ping jonsinger and see if we can set up a mutually acceptable time for dining and talking. If nothing else, he's got good chocolate.

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

I'll definitely be at Balticon--will you guys be attending?

[papersky.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

You're being very brave.

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It's mostly facing the stuff in my head, but there was a twinge of "oh my god, is there some pattern in my replies to comments which shows I'm an awful person?", but then I decided "oh, the hell with it".

When I was a kid, I believed "If we don't tell the truth, how will we get anywhere?" I try to hang onto that, even though being more aware of people than I used to be sometimes makes me more afraid of them.

[mouseworks.livejournal.com]

Hug.

You want to get together at RTM on Monday.

[supergee.livejournal.com]

hugs

[nellorat.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It's a tough time for us, too--womzilla is off having our oldest rat, Millie, put to death. Things get better.

[cellio]

{hugs}

[jimtbari.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

*hug*hug*hug* I admire how you are dealing with this, fwiw.